Safe word, to use or not to use? That is the question. I have found that a large number of people I session with do not want to use a safe word. In most cases I am fine with this. I understand that a safe word can dampen the experience. If one is going to be disciplined by me then they want to submit to whatever punishment I dole out. This is what punishment is about isn't it? Of course. There are no safe words in real life.
But what if we are meeting for the first time and your idea of a "really hard spanking" isn't the same as my idea of a "really hard spanking"? What if you find yourself in a situation that is no longer punishing but almost counter-productive in a sense? Then the use of a safe word would make sense, and would be the sane thing to do.
But what about natural resistance during a punishment? For some, myself included, a little bit of resistance is part of the emotional need being fulfilled by the punishment. Safe words are typically are words that are not used in a person's natural resistance response, such as "stop" or "please" or "I can't". So a safe word is a word usually a word that is not part of one's natural responses in resisting, a typical one is "red", or some other everyday word.
Whether you choose to use a safe word or not is your choice. But the key in either case is communication! It's always best to communicate with me ahead of your session about what you want exactly. While I am experienced and good at reading people nothing replaces direct communication - especially if you choose not to use a safe word. If you choose to use a safe word please communicate that to me in advance as well so that it doesn't "ruin the moment" in a session.
Let me give you an example. Many, many moons ago when I first started being active in my adult spanking life (as a bottom), I met up with a man at a hotel. I we had discussed at length ahead of time the spanking part, but being the naïve individual I was at the time, I did not know to discuss my other limits. In fact, I didn't even realize I had other limits. About 30 minutes into the spanking he pulls my arm behind my back and started to really push upwards. It wasn't the pain that scared me about him doing this, it was the fact that so much pressure was being put on my arm it felt as though it was going to pop out of the socket. Luckily we had established a safe word. Safe words not only pertain to the buttocks, as in my case, but to the session experience in general. Perhaps you want me to wail on your bottom for an hour until it's raw and bleeding - fine. But a safe word is still a good idea in case there is something that goes off course.
But again, communicating with me ahead of your session is the best practice. Communication should include your limits or turn offs as well. For example, one young man I saw wanted an "aunt" role play session, but if I mentioned his "mother" at any point it would kill it for him. This had been communicated to me ahead of time and I appreciated that because in an "aunt" role play, the word "mother" could have come up. Communication is invaluable, to both of us.
Do know that I also reserve the right to lighten up or stop a punishment. Though I've only had to do this once. A young man was in such subspace and his bottom was bleeding profusely that I knew that at the current rate something had to change. He wasn't too pleased when I started focusing on his sit-spot (until the next day!), but it was my call, in this situation for this first time player, to do. This isn't to say that if you start bleeding that I am going to stop your session, as long as you have communicated to me that your desire is to be spanked in this manner.
So whether you choose to use a safe word, or not, the point I can't emphasize enough is communication. I know for a lot of first timers this is sometimes difficult, but trust me, you'll be glad you did for a variety of reasons.
